Bonjela Is My Friend

In response to:Bonjela

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:01:56 +0200

In desperation, after a 3 day war that not even regular bonjela could shift, I took the dive and bought a "Bonjela once". The ulcer in question was actually on the side of my tongue and was catching my teeth at every opportunity. I'd like share my experience with you all.

First of all the woman in Tescos mugged me. £8.80?!?!? Talk about daylight robbery! After I'd picked my jaw off the floor and entered my PIN I headed for the carpark. I got in my not-so-spacious super mini and opened the box. Out tumbled 4 little sticks. 2 red, 2 clear. I looked for an piece of paper inside resembling an instruction manual but alas none was to be found. I inspected the box and happily found a short set of pointers.

"Dry the affected area with the clear cotton bud"
"Snap end of of red tube"
"Affect to ulcer for 5 secs"
"You may feel a slight stinging sensation"

I grimmaced as I dried the the ulcer with a pokey thing. Then, whilst trying to keep the ulcer dry by hanging my tongue out like someonelessfortunatethanmyself I broke of the red tube and watched the liquid drain into the cotton bud end, turning purple as it went. So far so good.

I pressed the purple end (oo-er) to my tongue. I immediately started thrashing around like I was having a fit. This alarmed a passing trolley attendant no end.

"May sting a bit" A-fricken-bit?!?! Biological weapons are banned under international law you know! I managed to hold tight for those 5 seconds and and extra couple just incase this incredible pain had somehow altered my perception of space/time. It turns out that in the bonjela dictionary sting = stab; therefore "it may stab a bit".

I looked in the mirror to assess damage. "Holy shit!" I was staring at what used to be an ulcer. There was now just a crater covered by a pinky-white film. Motherfricker. They put that crap you use on verucas into little tubes and dyed it purple. On the plus side, while the crater feels a bit odd in my mouth, I can no longer feel any pain. Result!

Bonjela original will always have a place in my heart(pocket) but today has been a learning experience. Sometimes you just have to NUKE the site from orbit - it's the only way to be sure.

In response to:Bonjela

Mon, 11 May 2009 07:58:18 +0200

The above is all true and based on real events. I would suggest that you do a bit more research my friend.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 08 May 2009 18:14:33 +0200

there is two:
* Operation Overload was a military operation by the Rhodesian Army that took place over six weeks starting on 27 July 1974. The operation resulted in the movement of 49,960 people into twenty-one protected villages in the Chiweshe Tribal Trust Land. The movement resulted in the deaths of a few of the moving people.
* Operation Overlord was the code name for the invasion of northwest Europe during World War II by Allied forces. The operation began with the Normandy Landings on 6 June 1944 (commonly known as D-Day), among the largest amphibious assaults ever conducted. Nearly 160,000 troops crossed the English Channel on 6 June, and more than 3 million troops had landed by the end of August.
And by the way are you actually serious about all this Bonny bush and eating it and being on the periodic table because non of it is actually true!!! (well you can physically eat it if you really wanted to but for under 16s it can cause potential health risks (it was on Watchdogs)check the site for more

In response to:Bonjela

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:03:45 +0100

Bonjela cool does not work; at all.
Why was i so stupid to buy bonjela cool.
BE WARNED

In response to:Bonjela

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 18:02:56 +0100

Oi, ulcer boy. Yeah, you heard. Just pack it in, right? I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago. Yeah, you'd better run. Here come the pain.

Bonjela, for friends.

In response to:Bonjela

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:29:22 +0100

You infectious little git, get out. Pack it in ulcer, you heard. This is an all out war on ulcers. get out of my flaming mouth.

In response to:Bonjela

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:28:05 +0100

You've got your marching orders now ulcer. Pack up you things and leave, GET OUT OF MY MOUTH!

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:45:15 +0100

News just in that engineers are planning to employ a huge blob of Bonjela to the east coast in an attempt to get rid of that nasty blob on the map near Norwich. Please let us know if you hear more about this at the internet's no.1 Bonjela news source.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:35:03 +0200

That's a good idea, I thought, I thought erm... that's a good idea. I am certain that you can cure stomach ulcers with bonjela.

In response to:Bonjela

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:46:47 +0200

When I was diagnosed with stomach ulcers my mate thought somehow that Bonjela would cure them. He's a simple man at times.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 16:00:23 +0200

You ought to think very carefully about whether you can take on that level of responsibility before you purchase another tube of Bonjella.

In response to:Bonjela

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 13:00:49 +0100

I thought this blog was the most appropriate one to send you birthday greetings from, as I love bonjela so much.

Happy birthday!

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 04 May 2007 10:27:56 +0200

But the Bonjela Cool sticks out like an eye sore so therefore it'll sell! ;)

Is it me, or is the kids Bonny J taste like banana? LOL Not as nice as the adults minty one! :P

I had to try both! :roll:

In response to:Bonjela

Thu, 03 May 2007 22:36:06 +0200

The probable reason that no-one picked up on it is that your spelling leaves a lot to be desired. My pardon is granted, just don't do it again.

In response to:Bonjela

Thu, 03 May 2007 19:17:28 +0200

I beg your pardon, but I could swear it's overload, I even wrote a whole essay calling it overload and no one piced up

In response to:Bonjela

Thu, 03 May 2007 19:10:08 +0200

What are you on about? Operation Overlord was the name given to the Normandy Invasion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Overlord

In response to:Bonjela

Thu, 03 May 2007 17:30:09 +0200

Overload, not oveerlord

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 01 May 2007 16:56:12 +0200

Actually, I mean discreet.

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 01 May 2007 16:55:35 +0200

I am constantly followed at a discrete height by the bonjelacopter, which lowers a hose when bonjela is requested.

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 01 May 2007 16:50:20 +0200

It's ok to be obsessed, there's no need for counselling. Together we will get through this. We shall overcome.

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 01 May 2007 16:49:12 +0200

It's not feasible, it's just a romantic notion.

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 01 May 2007 16:44:55 +0200

:)) A whole blog dedicated to Bonjela!

I have two types, one for the adults and one for my baby!

I must be obsessed then! :-/

In response to:Bonjela

Tue, 01 May 2007 06:33:44 +0200

aaah, bonjela; my favorite after-meal snack. delicious and nutritious!

In response to:Bonjela

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 18:33:16 +0200

Yay for Bonjela!!!

In response to:Bonjela

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 13:15:32 +0200

I concur. Bonjela cannot be used as "personal" lubricant.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:58:18 +0200

Boom!

That is the sound of curry meeting bonjela.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:41:20 +0200

Mmmmmm. Currrrryyyyyyy.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:41:12 +0200

Mmmmmm. Currrrryyyyyyy.

In response to:Bonjela

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 22:22:15 +0100

bonjela i have discovered gives me terrible toilet troubles. i find that it creates a strange growling in my belly which is the preceeded by a very quick dash to the "john".

bonjella junior i have also discovered has the same evil properties.

In response to:Bonjela

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 13:52:02 +0100

They say that what doesn't kill fattens (Whoever 'they' are?)
So there is a remote chance you may recover :grin: