Have you seen this new Bonjela product doing the rounds? It's got some stupid name like "Bonjela Once" or "Bonjela Unlimited". It's essentially a cotton bud with liquid Bono in the tube. When you snap the tube, it secretes the magical liquid (via gravity) onto the cotton tip for easy application to the affected ulcerised area.

If you ask me, this is complete rubbish. Crapola. Why go to all the effort of snapping and applying with a cotton bud? If you really want to use a cotton bud, you'll do the smart thing and adhere some traditional Bonny J to a cotton tip, then stick it in your gob. What a load of horseshit. Why anyone would purchase this product is totally beyond my reasoning.

And another thing, Bonjela Cool? More like Bonjela Shite. You want the hard stuff, the good java. You want to jump in at the deep end and apply something that's gonna burn so good. "Mummy, can I use Bonjela Cool?". No, you little a-hole, just use the normal stuff like everyone else. You're not special, you're scum of the earth. Look at you, getting ulcers, you dirty little beggar. You unwashed scummer. You unclean child.

Bonjela is as Bonjela does, so stick that in your pie hole.