Bonjela Is My Friend

For aches and pains, don't use Deep Heat.

For bread and butter, don't use Olivio.

For egg nog, don't use spam.

For headaches, don't use Nurofen.

For STDs, don't go to your local GP.

Just use Bonjela, you sods.

Last night I squeezed a bucket load of Bonjela in my mouth and swilled it round like a mouthwash. Except instead of spitting out I swallowed and therefore ate it.

Have you heard about this "Cool Mint Flavour" Bonjela?

I have heard it through the grapevine, but the very idea shocks me to my very core.

I digress.

What, pray tell, is the point of using Bonjela if you're not going to shudder as a result of the audacious aniseed flavour? Surely this is 99% of the reason for using Bonjela instead of other mouth based treatments such as Germolene, Savlon or Olbas Oil.

This is why I am staunchly against anything other than Cool Original flavour Bonjeffrey.

Bonjela can also be referred to in the third person.

I can feel one of those rather irritating little spots rearing its ugly head on the tip of me tongue. Bloody sods, I will wait till morning and if my immune system hasn’t dealt with it I will be forced to waste precious Bonjela on the sod. Haven’t got a lot left, see. I didn’t realise how generous I’d been with it over recent months, very silly. What’s more I went to Boots yesterday to stock up on Germolene and didn’t buy any Bonjela. I must never miss out on a Bonjela procurement opportunity such as this again.